A mage's confesion

I have betrayed my brethren once,
I shall not DO so again.
I have failed humanity once,
I shall not LET it fall again.
I have suffered in joy and grief alike,
I shall not FEEL again.
I have awaken on every piece of this world,
I shall not SLEEP again.
I have loved all and nothing over the years,
I shall not GIVE again.
I have done all of these,
Why then am I still ALIVE?
Mearly a shadow of the past,
Living in the present
Yet searching for the future.
How much must I LIVE?
When all is at stake and I just sit.
The world changes and moves in a continuing circle
But with it,all living and dead things change,
EXCEPT ME!